Day in Photos, via CBS

http://www.cbsnews.com/2300-202_162-10003448.html?tag=page

Me-time

Disclaimer: The opinions stated in this journal, while actual sentiments, are in no way meant to hurt the feelings of or criticize any readers. If something seems offensive or hurtful, I really apologize. I just write for emotional exporting.

It's been a long week, but at the same time, where did the time go? I had high hopes of productiveness, but, alas, I'm in BR until tomorrow morning, and upon returning to NOLA, I have an apartment waiting to be cleaned. I wanted to have the apartment completely organized by the time that Jesse comes home, but now it looks more and more like that's not going to happen. Mia and I are leaving for NOLA tomorrow morning because she begins her summer session of class; we had come to BR this weekend to spend it with my mom, but because she works so much it's not like we did really much with her at all. Mia wants me to help her move into her dorm after class, so though Jesse's been gone for the last 8 days, I feel like I have gotten next to no alone time, no me-time.

It's my own fault though. Last Sunday I was talking to Mia on skype. Neill had wanted to do something, and so when he got to my house, I asked him if he wanted to go to BR to pick up Mia. Though she said not to pick her up, she just sounded so lame and bored in BR. So we went to pick her up. She had said she wanted to spend the week with me. I told her that I had to work nearly all week and that I had to teach in the evenings, which is why she conceded not to come, but I gave into my own guilt (damn, I hate how guilty I feel; I hope my children are not guilted by me) and thought, well, this is the only time I'll have a chance to get her so I might as well let her stay over for the week. Already, I had planned on going to BR the next weekend to visit my mom. But, everyone seemed to think that I couldn't come home to an empty house in dark New Orleans, that I couldn't possibly take care of myself and have them (miles and miles away) feel that I was safe. They wanted piece of mind. I must admit I was (and perhaps still am) a little resentful because of this. I've certainly been bitter at various times this week, but all by my own doing.

It seemed like once Jesse left, it was non-stop outings and activities, and while this is the way things fell, I hadn't meant for them to be this way. I planned certain things, but I didn't want them to be what I did because Jesse wasn't home. And, it wasn't. But, at the same time, I did want to do these things (e.g., babysit Saturday night, go out for a celebratory drink Monday night with Lizzie after our second-to-last class, dinner with coworkers Tuesday night at Lola's, etc.), and consequently I was stressed. I worried about how things were going with Jesse and me (probably mostly because of the distance), but at the same time, I wanted independence.

I don't want to be away from him, but I also want to make sure I have my own identity, which may be very influenced by and moved by his, but still with my own ambitions. It's been a week of self-refecting, and so far, I still don't love what I see. This might sound bad, but I'm feeling that I've become more easily agitated, more materialistic, and that I'm judgmental and even somewhat racist sometimes. And, I feel terrible that I'm doing this, but I can't figure out how to stop. It's like I'm playing into stereotypes sometimes. I know that that's just what they are, but I'm automatically thinking them more than I believe I should be.

So this was more of a rant, an exercise for myself on how I'm currently feeling. I've got to do some stuff around the [BR] house, among other things before I return to NOLA. This week was the last week of regular LG so I have a breath of a break before camp begins. A week since my last post, I've gotten in arguments with both Mia and Neill, and while I feel bad about how they unravelled, a part of me wanted to say those things--a part of me just wants to tell them how I feel. I'm just not as social or interested in doing some of the things I once used to enjoy; I'm constantly surrounded by people and I rarely feel like I have any me-time. There were good things that happened this week too (like spending time with Mia, my mom, Neill; finally watching It's Complicated and Sex and the City; possibly finding a new apartment that Jesse and I might like--that is, if we can actually afford it; etc.), don't get me wrong. And, I have more to say, but better wait for another time.

Lastly, but certainly not least, I can't wait for Jesse to come home. I miss him.

Update needed

I'm sure I have lots to say about the week, but the most important is that I dropped Jesse to the airport this (yesterday) afternoon. He should be arriving in Frankfurt in less than an hour, where he'll have a layover and then make his way to Istanbul on another flight. [Different] emotions going on, but I'll be thinking about that throughout his trip. When exhaustion/tiredness isn't one of my feelings. I'll have to update sometime tomorrow; I should have plenty of free time, right?

things to do
-run if it's not raining too hard
-sweep house and clean a bit
-1 or 2 loads of laundry
-read
-Praxis studying?
-call Praxis if they're open
-go to ESL party and lesson plan/hang out with Lizzie afterwards
-spend time with Saki
-letter-write (for my infants/toddler class)

Food for thought

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/9-marriage-rules-you-should-break-1387877/

I'll read later and comment on. I'm off to bed now.

Ocupada yet another week

Quick post. Had a lot of fun this weekend from babysitting to having lunch with Jesse and Mia to going to Camillia Grill at 1:30 with Drew, Jesse and Mia early this morning to spending Mother's Day afternoon in BR. Tonight, I've been reading up on Country Day. Their website is very informative, and I've been generating questions for when I have my phone interview tomorrow afternoon. I'm nervous, but I think I'm well-prepared. I just hope nerves don't set in.

I wanted to share a colleague of mine's side business. It's called Gumbo Avenue (http://www.gumboavenue.com/Gallery.html). She works at McGehee in the tech department, but this mother of three (including a toddler) finds the time to cook all of their lunches and operate an out-of-home paper business. I haven't seen her stationary or wedding invites firsthand, but I've heard good things from my co-teachers in the baby/toddler room. The signs with the New Orleans street sign font are pretty cute, too. Someday, I'd like to get one for our kid's room.

Busy week (4 full days of work, one half day with babysitting, two nights of teaching ESL), but I'll post more as soon as I'm able. Oh, and Jesse leaves this Saturday for Turkey and Greece...more on that, too! Well, good night for now.

I was inspired

The car's windows are rolled down. The smell of hot asphalt still lingers from the neutral-grounded street the car just turned off. We meander down this crumbling street, whose borders seems to plateau off into the yards of mismatched houses and their concealed life-makers. I like it when pedestrian traffic and two queues of stationary cars prescribe a “life-in-slow-motion” consciousness, moving just fast enough to be able to notice the neighbors and families congregated on their elevated porches—after work, after mail-checking, after dog-walks and dogs' poops.

Cautionary of the road, yet contemplatively focused on my human insignificance, I am hopeful about what I plan on making my life as I snuggle into adulthood. If only I could always vicariously pull up this sentimental stance.

Probably the last grad school application for Fall 2010

I just "completed" an application for UNO's Master's in Romance Languages. It seems to be a pretty low-competition program, I surmised, as indicated by the lack of application requirements (only GPA minimum, transcripts, and GRE scores; no need for letters of recommendation or essays). At UNO, you choose either a Spanish or French concentration; I am, of course, choosing Spanish. But, you may take classes in the other of the two languages. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like Portuguese or Italian are offered (like they are at Tulane), but I think I'll have my hands full with my Spanish classes as well as the French electives I plan to take. Though your major is one of the two languages, you specialize even further and either focus on "literature" or "language, culture and civilization," and from what I gather upon receiving your M.A., you are qualified to teach said language from elementary school through junior college. Though the admissions standards aren't as high as some of the schools I applied to earlier this spring (and didn't get into), I think the faculty have pretty interesting research and publications. Worst case scenario, I don't like it, and I transfer to Tulane or another school. Now that I'm serious about school (or at least had been my final two years of undergrad), I am not worried about dilly dallying around and screwing up without studying and without a care for my GPA.

I hope I get in, and I think I have a good chance of doing so. I'm still waiting to hear back from the program director though because my enrollment is dependent on whether I get some kind of financial aid or a "graduate assistantship," in which I work in some capacity (e.g. teaching) for UNO while attending. That would afford me a tuition and a stipend. I'm not sure on the size of the stipend so I don't know if I can live off of it. But, even if I don't receive either of these things, I still want to consider going part time in the evenings while working at McGehee. After going to Loyola, the tuition is quite manageable. For 12 hours a semester, it's under $2,000 and for 9, it's under $1,500. Not that I want to have that kind of financial commitment so I'm hoping to get some kind of financial aid, or I'll have to pay it in installments. I am not taking out more student loans, especially now that I'm paying the ones I accrued in undergrad.

Of course, I'm still just turning ideas over in my head right now. Once I'm in UNO and if I get a contract from McGehee, I'll better know how to anticipate my fall schedule. I need to talk to people who work and attend grad school so I can really get an idea of how many hours they take. I'm thinking I'll take 6 a semester. If I do that, I believe I can finish my [first] Master's in 2 years (including summers). Jesse works full-time and and generally takes 12 hours a semester in law school. I don't know if this is normal or translates for grad schoool, too, though. I still want to get a Master's and Ph.D. in Latin American Studies or Anthropology, but I think an M.A. in Spanish will provide me a firmer foundation and a stepping stone into my future academic endeavors. And professional, which I hope are academic. Plus, I'll always be able to get a job teaching Spanish in grade school if I want it.

I know that this will be difficult, going to school and working, but I just have to weigh the pros and cons and try it out! I do need and want plenty of advice though. I'll be asking lot of more experienced people than I. At least, I'm not attempting this being married with kids, or unmarried with kids! If I had a family to take care of, I think this would be 100x more difficult. I'll keep you updated on this, but like all ideas I get, I am initially very excited and hopeful, and when things don't turn out how I hoped, I am strongly disappointed. I hope this doesn't turn out like some of the others.