This is the first day I feel like almost nothing to do. Though I went to Whole Foods and will do some housework soon.
I've definitely been feeling independent during the day, but also a little lonely. Whereas, when I was working at McGehee, I had a regular schedule, and I was surrounded by people all day most days, by the time I got home, I was always tired and not wanting to socialize. When Jesse went to Europe, I actually looked forward to my alone time. I didn't want Mia to visit in large part because of this desire for my own company. But lately, though I've been babysitting a lot and having an occasional visit to or from BR or with a friend, I'm in the opposite situation that I was when I worked. Not working (other than babysitting) gives me plenty of free time to myself, and between searching for jobs, household chores, and exercise, sometimes I'm kind of bored with myself. I hate to say that. I can only surf the internet for so long, and when I am bored, I find myself leaving the apartment, which almost always inevitably leads me spending money.
Not so bad, except I still haven't secured a job. At Jesse's encouragement, I did go to Anthropologie's open hire event at Canal Place yesterday. It was an all around good day, but I ended up spending $28 on lunch for myself! I woke up, went running, got ready, took the bus to Jesse's work to pick up my resume (he prints them on pretty paper for me), walked to Canal Place, had a pretty good group interview, and then decided what to eat. I had already had the inkling to see a movie at the Canal Theatre because Jes asked if I wanted to hang out downtown until he got of of work so we could ride home together. So, last minute, I decided to see Cyrus. I ordered food at the theatre, and less than two hours later, I had spent $28 on a movie ticket, a small gourmet pizza and bottled water! I tried to get tap, but they "can't do it." So it was kind of fun, but too expensive for right now. Plus, harking back to the loneliness issue, it would have been nice to have had Mia or Neill or Drew or another friend to see the movie with.
That's just it though, all my friends have moved away. I have made some new acquaintances, but it seems so difficult to sustain friendships. The people I hang out most these days are the people I babysit for. They've become my friends, but then again, they pay me to watch their kids so I feel it's not such an equal-footed friendship. To some degree, I guess I'm being silly and doing what I did my junior year in high school. When I went to Baton Rouge High for that one year, in the fall, I didn't want to make new friends because I was afraid of replacing my old ones. Well, I know that this is pretty hard to do and that I'm being a little irrational, but I feel like I have grown distant from some of my friends. Not at all intentionally, but still. Neill works now so I couldn't just ask him to hang out during the day. Mia's in Baton Rouge. Now that she's gone, I miss hanging out with her. When she's here in the City, sometimes I feel like I'll go nuts if she asks me to hang out again. What's wrong with me? Why can't I appreciate the friends I have when I have them? Jesse's at work all day, which I'm thankful for. And, when I babysit, it is enjoyable for the most part. Luckily, Jesse isn't taking a summer class so his evenings have been free and we've been spending a fair amount of time together doing things we've been wanting to do for a while and things that come up spontaneously. But, what would I be like if he was in class four evenings a week? Am I that dependent?
On a brighter note, I've been writing friends the few weeks whenever I fancy it--sing my beautiful stationary that I've acquired and been given recently. It's really relaxing and there's something heart-warming about sending them off and getting some back!
Well, I was using today to catch up on some little and not so little things I need to do (e.g., change address for the move, register for fall classes), but there's a registration hold on my account. UNO hasn't gotten my immunization records yet so it seems as though I won't be registering until next week. Additionally, I found out today that the only aid I'll be receiving is in the form of federal unsub or subsidized loans. I'll have to talk to my parents and Jesse some more about how I'm going to fund this Master's because without a job, I don't know how I can. They're offering many times over the amount of tuition. I guess so many students do live off of these funds, but I don't want to take out any money. I told myself that I won't borrow any more. But, I might have to take out tuition at least. And, I'm trying to get acquainted with UNO's system--email, registration, etc. Will I ever become as comfortable as I am with Loyola's website?
