Winter Weight

I'm getting fat, and I don't want to hear any objections otherwise. It sort of all began because I stopped running on a semi-regular basis. It's been getting colder, and something that this change of weather precipitates, obviously, is getting sick. So I got sick; the nurse at McGehee said that I had a cold, nothing to worry about, so that needless to say relieved me with all the stir about the different strands of flu. Not to mention, I don't have health insurance, but I will get to that later. So on top of the fact that my throat has been hurting for the past few weeks (mainly as soon as I wake up and towards the end of the day), and in the first days, I had throbbing head- and ear-aches, the chilly weather does not make me feel any more enthusiastic about running outside. I much prefer running outdoors to running indoors (and without a tuition-covered rec plex to go to, this is only an option when Neill can sneak me into Reilly). And though running warms you up, I just am feeling lazy and unmotivated. I think I've actually paradoxically been enjoying my sore throat sometimes so I can excuse myself from exercising. But, I'm thinking today will be the day that I actually throw on the old pair of underarmor Mia gave me and hit the tracks (the streetcar tracks, that is). But, then again, the last 2 - 3 days have been "the day," too.

I like to keep myself busy, which has been my excuse for not having updated this blog and livejournal lately. By the time I want to sign on and share, it's late, and I'm tired. But, circuitously, I keep on putting it off, and the sheer volume of blogging I fear to face has just demotivated me even further. I am still teaching ESL and trying to keep up with my lesson plans. Like many other times in my life, Thursday, I rushed home to bake a batch of healthy chocolate cupcakes (they're made with applesauce) for my class (for our Halloween class); Neill and Mia had helped me make loaves of pumpkin bread the night before, but I took one to McGehee to share with my coworkers since I had already mentioned bringing some the day before. And, both baked goods came out well; I was particularly impressed with the pumpkin bread because I hadn't made it before; the recipe came from Mia's iPhone food network page. But, that's another part of my problem discussed in the first paragraph--I like to bake, and I consequently end up eating a substantial amount of what I bake. It's never been a secret that I love to eat. It just seems like lately, quantity control has been an issue--my issue. I seem to eat whatever's in front of me (when I'm not busy running around because I've "committed myself to other things"). Also, sometimes in the frenzies I've created for myself, I forget to eat a meal--most of the time, breakfast. That just makes me even more hungrier for the next meal, where more often than not, I overeat. This is a great concern to me. I don't want to gain weight, and saying that doesn't make me have an eating disorder. I don't want to stand on a scale right now for fear of what I may weigh, but the last time I did so (probably sometime last month?), I was about 115ish. I should be 110; I'd like to be 107. I'm only 5'2''. Not only do I need to exercise, I need to balance the types of foods I eat (something that seemed to come so naturally to me before, and I need to moderate a better schedule for eating. Maybe because my MWF, TR, and weekend schedules are so different, I'm easily thrown off. I need to put more effort into this. Remember how good it felt when I stopped eating Popeyes? And I was almost tempted this weekend, but I had a good support encouraging not to give in--my Jesse) I need to feel like that again! I need to feel the adrenaline that I would when I ran down the line on a Sunday morning, listening to Muse, or in Audubon Park! So what am I doing sitting on the futon in my PJs and Jesse's law school sweatshirt, while he listens to an audiobook and plays a video game?